Just checking in.

How time flies when there is peace. It's been quiet. The three of us lead pretty separate lives now, only bumping in to one another at night. Mostly tired. It's different. Not bad, just monotonous.
Xander had his revision surgery on Feb 13 and it went well. No complications and he was back to school the following Monday. The scars are much less vascular and I think they will fade nicely in time. 
He will be graduating this June, which seems unreal to me, and expressed a desire to go overseas for college. I think as a compromise he will be applying to VCU, they have a study abroad program we are going to look into. 
I just wanted to check in. 

A Brand New Year

Life is such a winding road. 

Our perspective changes in an instant. What was once the center of our universe can quickly be lost amid the daily thrumming of a life lived. And so it goes.

Xander started Grade 12 at Manchester High. I began my graduate work at VCU. Joe continued to work 100 hour weeks. Gender was becoming less and less of a focus. Xander's top surgery in August had turned him into a happy, engaged kid that I no longer had to fret about. His grades are consistent A's and B's and his plans for college are in the fore-front of his brain. I'm very happy. 

Our last trip to the plastic surgeon was just before the holidays. The doctor had informed us that the scars were looking "stretched" and that he could remove them in another surgery. Xander's scars are very vascular and pronounced, the nipples had become more oval in shape as well. The doctor assures us that he can fix both issues with a much better result. We will only be responsible for the hospital costs, the doctors services are covered under our original contract. I'll let you know how much that will set us back once they mail me the estimate.

Also new for this year, our endocrinologist did not opt in for our HMO and so we lost her. I'm sad and a little upset. We had been with her from the start, now I have to explain the whole shooting match to a new person. Grrrrrrr.  

I feel like my role in all of this ( medical manager I guess) should be coming to an end soon. When Xander turns 18 next August I'm hoping he will be able to start scheduling/maintaining his own medical appointments. Part of becoming your own person is learning how to manage your own healthcare. He will probably feel like I'm jumping ship but I wouldn't be doing him any favors by micro-managing this for him. 

Lastly, this has been rolling around my head for awhile now. Xander is spoiled. I guess that would be relative to what your idea of spoiled is. In my opinion, he has been spoiled. I tried, at every turn, to give this child every opportunity and any advantage I could. At times, I definitely made things very easy for him. Once he started acting out, I dropped everything and completely focused on him. And now......the realities of LIFE, of LIVING as a productive person are staring him in the face. He needs a job but doesn't want to work at .........well, pretty much anywhere. His Dad bought him a truck that he will have put in his name on his 18th birthday....IF he has a job. I am hopeful that he will realize that this is part of life and is a necessity. Fingers crossed.

I'm definitely not complaining. My Xander has come so far. A few years ago I would have doubted he would live to make it to 17. Once he embraced his true self, he just began growing and changing to be the man he is today. I'm very lucky that I was able to help him find his way.

Xander's Replay of the Day

Amy Winehouse ~ Rehab

The genital question or "We're you raised by wolves?"

(uh, inappropriate much?)

Xander had an incident this week at school. It involved a rude comment and an inappropriate touch by a girl. He texted me when it happened and I was pissed. I immediately e-mailed guidance and asked them to look into it. To my surprise it was handled right away and all the teachers involved were as dismayed as I was. I got great feedback from the administration and was assured that it would be documented and any other incidents would not be tolerated. Xander was satisfied and just wanted to move on. I'm hopeful that this was an isolated incident and he can just be go back to blending in.

I finally pulled the trigger and went to the military with the name change AND gender change. A few individuals had mentioned to me that it wasn't wise to do so. I thought about it and decided that I would rather fight them for services than be liable for fraud. My choice. So we got Xander a new military ID and changed everything with TriCare. I have yet to venture into the system and find out how the hell we are going to work this ( a gendered male but um, I need a pap smear please...) but I'll let you know when it happens.

Tonight is the Homecoming Dance for Xander. Taylor came over early and they are doing that "we're together but we're both on our cell phones" thing that drives me insane. It's fine, I mean they're happy and not hurting anybody so no big deal.

Xander has stopped taking the seizure medication after titrating down for almost 2 months. So far, knock on wood, no seizures. Let's hope they never return.

Our next appointment with the Endo is in two weeks. I guess Xander is hoping she will increase his dose again. We've been at .5 for awhile so we'll see what she says. He is still giving himself his shots on Sunday nights and splits the dose between two needles so that he doesn't get a big lump under his skin. 

Let me just say that since the top surgery, so much of the turmoil and anxiety that plagued him has gone. His grades are excellent this school year and , even better, he CARES about them. He gets UPSET when he doesn't do as well as he would like. It's miraculous and I couldn't be prouder.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I'll post again with the results of the Endo appointment. 

Xander's re-play of the day

Stay High ~ Tove Lo

Post-Pride

Yesterday was our Pride Fest and what a beautiful day it was! We showed up early and Joe and I didn't hang out very long. I have mid-terms this week and the pressure is on to do extremely well. Xander stayed for just about the whole thing and had a great time.

Also, after getting the gender change court order I was itching to get in and amend his birth certificate. I waited a couple of weeks because I knew the court had to internally send the order to Vital Records before they would do anything. Luckily when I went in last Thursday, they had everything they needed and cut me a new birth certificate right on the spot. What a relief to finally have this done. Now, he will be able to get EVERYTHING else changed without any issue. The birth certificate is the ONE THING everyone asks for. So now we have to get started on new military ID, insurance, the college 529 plan, dental, Eye Med, and probably a few more I am not thinking of right now. 

Medically, he's still having anxiety about shot day. He switched from Monday mornings before school to Sunday nights so he wouldn't feel so much "pressure" to get it done quick. The next time we go in to see the Endo I am definitely going to bring up maybe switching to another method. I think the higher dosage we started a few weeks ago has finally started to work on stopping his cycle. We had the PMS buildup but so far nothing else. I guess that's a good thing, I mean except for the PMS part. Ha!

Xander's Re-Play of the Day

baauer- Dum Dum

Our day in court.

Our day in court. ( Really, more like 10 minutes.)

So the original date had been cancelled because our judge had an emergency. Ok. The date was re-scheduled to today.  Getting the 3 of us in one place, at one time, in the middle of the week? Well, it takes work. We all made it and I brought every scrap of paper pertaining to Xander that I thought they could ask for...just in case. The 11:30 case didn't show up and we were early so, we got in before noon. Long story short. He wasn't the nicest judge. He gave us those judgy, over-the-glasses looks when he asked if we were okay with this. He didn't try to hide his feelings one bit. I wanted to scream at him. But I didn't because that wouldn't have done any good. He granted the request. That's all we wanted. Alexander is now officially a DUDE! On paper and everything. I'm so relieved that this part is over. Seriously. Damn.

In other news, everything else is going well. Xander has pretty much healed from the surgery. He started school as a guy and even uses the mens bathrooms with no issue. He and Taylor are still together and travel back and forth on the weekends to visit. He's slipped into being a pretty normal teenage guy.

Richmond PrideFest is coming up on the 27th on Brown's Island. We're all looking forward to it. It's going to be our first year going! Yay!

Well, I'm afraid graduate school is eating my brain and what little free time I have left so my posts may become fewer and farther in-between. Sorry, its life. 

Xander's Re-Play of the Day

Meghan Trainor ~ All About That Bass

Just a note

Hi. 

- Gender change court date changed to Sept. 9. Disappointing, but shit happens.
- School started this last Tuesday and Xander did pretty well. Of course we knew "some certain people" would give him a hard time but he's managing it well.
- After meeting with the brain doc, he has decided to start weaning Xander off of his seizure med. Down from 4 pills a day to 2 and so far, so good.

I promise to give a better update once we have our court date.

Notes on GENDER change and stuff

I submitted the gender change document to the courts on the 12th. The court clerk was out of town until the 18th. I physically went to the courthouse on Monday and made a court date for Xander's gender change with the judge. The soonest they had was August 29th @ 10am. Once I have this document in hand I can: change gender through Social Security, amend the birth certificate and get a new passport. The high school has informed me that they won't change his gender until they get an amended birth certificate. You would think that the court order would be enough. Everything always has to be friggin complicated. 

I met with school guidance a few days ago, just to give her a heads up. It went okay but the whole bathroom issue was not covered. Once we have the amended birth certificate, that will no longer be an issue. I also e-mailed every one of Xander's teachers, explaining his transformation and asking for their cooperation. I've had one response and it was very positive.

Healing is going well. The surgical tape that was over all of the incisions was peeled off this morning. I wasn't around when he did this, of course, because I would have recommended against it. No harm I guess. The incision lines look good and both nipples are healing nicely.

The compression vest irritates him and he wants so badly to take it off. Nope, still have about 3 weeks left. I sympathize because I know it gets hot and itchy. Ahhhh the price of getting what you want. Hehe.

That's it for now!