Summer is for squares.

      Why does it not feel like summer at all? The school year ended and suddenly, it's mid-July. Our days have been filled with planning and scheduling and going to work. I guess we haven't really had much time for anything but anxiety and mindless daily living. I realized this right after I made the final appointment for Alex's FtM Top surgery. August 8th. 
The pre-op appointment is July 22nd, not leaving me a whole lot of time to get in a much-needed vacation of any kind. For my own mental health, I knew I was going to need some beach time before the surgery/recovery period. I called Joe at work and told him to take some days off, we're going to need to go to the beach from July 26th to Aug 3rd. He was reluctant but he scheduled it because he knows me, if I say I NEED the time off then it must really be important. 

I stare at my calendar and it's filled with events and plans that were made in the spring. The surgery is eclipsing everything, either time-wise or financially. I was unable to make it up to DC for the Transgender Lobby, primarily because of the sudden lack of funds. I wanted to be there and made a last ditch effort to scrape up the money but it just wasn't meant to be. Next year I will have a better plan in place.

Alex is doing well. He managed to get the $500 together pretty quickly and then told his boss he was going to have surgery ( a vague statement until the boss asked "what kind of surgery?" to which Alex pointed at his chest. He said she just smiled and said "that is very exciting." Whew. Sometimes people surprise you.) so he would have to quit. The manager told him he could take some time off, he didn't necessarily have to quit. If he wants to go back when he has healed then he will have a place. Personally, I don't think he will have the time. He failed a couple of core classes last year and his course-load will be pretty heavy this coming year. He can not afford to fail anything his senior year in order to graduate. This will not leave much time for working. Or a social life. Ha!

Alex got his drivers license last week and has since been unstoppable. He has made several trips to Richmond on his own to visit Taylor. Even with the GPS he has managed to get lost a few times. I worry but I'm also glad he is venturing out on his own. I honestly never thought this day would come.

Alex, Xander, Al ~ June 2014

Alex's Re-Play of the Day.

MAGIC! ~ Rude

Let's Make A Deal!

The decision for top surgery ( better known as Double Mastectomy) was and IS a hard one. I could list the various reasons that we are choosing to move forward with this but ultimately, everyone will have an opinion based on their own MORAL (?) compass. This child was not an accident, this child was a WANTED child. I carried and gave birth to another human, beautiful and perfect in every way. Just like any mother, I would do anything to help this child be a successful, fulfilled, happy person. 
That being said, he has been so body dysmorphic that it is getting hard for him to focus on anything else.  His therapist and I have discussed it at length and we both agree that his mental health will improve greatly the sooner we can arrange to have this done. In our house, it comes up at least a few times a day. At first I thought it might be better to wait until the end of the year, around X-mas, when he had a few weeks off. That way he would have a couple of weeks to recover before going back to school. After the appointment today, Joe and I feel it may actually be better to get it done this summer so that he can have more time to recover and also start senior year in a better frame of mind. 

At the end of the consult, we received this little tidbit. $6, 817.00 and our insurance will not be covering one bit of it. Luckily, this doctor does 1 year of follow-up appointments and they are included. As for the doctor, he has done many of these types of surgeries and has a wonderful bedside manner. We all immediately liked him and didn't feel rushed or talked-down to. 

So, here's our plan. Alex will raise the initial appointment scheduling fee ($500.00) and when he has it, we will schedule the surgery. We figure he can do it in about 4 weeks working his job at Taco Bell. It will have more meaning if he contributes, at least we think so. (him, not so much, lol.)

As his Mom, I am terrified. For all sorts of reasons. None of which I think I'll post at this moment. 

Making A Run For The Border!

The simple fact is, it seems our lives revolve around GENDER issues. It isn't surprising that we all "burn-out" occasionally and just want to LIVE, tooling through life just being people. That's a very difficult proposition when you have a transgender child. Their world is so focused on getting mind and body to match that it seeps into everything. Usually it's in the form of anger or depression or both at once. Maybe I'm delusional in thinking that one day, he can just be Alex. I'm hopeful.

Alex finally got a job. Taco Bell. I know, but hey its a job. After actively searching for almost a year, we had celebratory screams in the car. It's the little things. So, he's been there for a few weeks and now we are faced with the dilemma of "who, if anyone, do we tell?" He wants to tell, he's not ashamed of being who he is. BUT. In Virginia he can be fired for being transgender. Not because he's doing a bad job or because he shows up late but because he is transgender. I can't advise him NOT to tell because my stance has always been, Be proud of who you are and never hide. Never hide.....but maybe don't reveal? I mean, he needs a job. I'm torn. Pretty soon his name will be officially changed through the courts. He will be forced to reveal this to his workplace for IRS reasons. I'm fairly sure this will piss them off, more paperwork and whatnot. Will they ask why? Will they make it easy, hard, not care?? I guess we'll see.

Day 89 since the start of Testosterone shots. The increase of aggression/irritation/moodiness has kind of leveled off. I mean we still see the regular " I'm 16" moodiness and general crankiness of most kids this age. Appetite is still there but he is doing better with moderation. Weight has leveled off just under 150 lbs., which is fine...I just don't want to see him get any bigger. Oh, on a side note, Alex has started getting very anxious about giving himself the shot every Monday morning. He is supposed to rotate spots so that he doesn't build up "hard" spots under the skin. He gravitates to right, front belly....maybe because it is easy, I dont know. I'm encouraging him to use other spots, he gets mad when I do. The last two in different spots have hurt and bled. This is a lifelong endeavor, I'm afraid he just needs to get used to it. 

Alex continues to go to Rosmy and is still dating Taylor. Not having a drivers license is really becoming a problem for us both. Luckily, he only has about 3 more weeks without one. Then we will have to figure out the car situation so that he can utilize some of his newfound freedom without leaving me stranded. Ha!

Monday the 30th we are going in to see the plastic surgeon for a top surgery consult. I want to know what kind of surgery he will have to have for best result, recovery time, and most of all, cost. Others have said they had around 3-4 weeks for recovery so I am thinking that possibly over Christmas break would be a good time. It is still to be determined.

Alex's Re-Play of the Day

He is We ~ I Wouldn't Mind.

Post-Convention Head Rush

Hello all! Here is a brief overview of our trip to the Transgender Conference in Philly this past weekend.

The conference started on Thursday and unfortunately we couldn't be there because of Joe's work commitments.

Friday: We woke at 2:45 am and were on the road by 3:15 am. I know, crazy right?! BUT, I wanted to make it to Philly for the first round of classes at 8:45am. We pulled into the city around 9am and parked in the first parking garage we found. The convention center was busy but a lot of the vendor tables weren't set up yet. Multiple classes ran at the same time so I flitted around a lot. There were some that seemed interesting on paper but didn't really pertain to us once we sat in. By lunchtime we were cranky and fighting amongst ourselves. It ended badly, I think it was just too much stimulation for one day. We ate dinner at a sports bar and hit the hotel ( which was FABULOUS). I think we were all asleep before we actually laid down.

Saturday: Ate breakfast at the hotel and walked over to the conference. We all had our agendas for the day. Alex was looking forward to the Gender Reassignment Surgery talks. It was a much better day and we learned a lot. Honestly, I can't go into detail about what I learned or how it pertains to us at the moment. Privacy issues and whatnot. Needless to say, we had a great day and finished off the conference around 8 pm. 

Sunday: Our free day. We rode the double decker bus around the city, ate some wonderful sushi, dropped Alex off at the hotel early and then had a Mom and Dad sorta-date until 9pm. It was fun and nice and the city was fun.

Monday: Alex gave himself his weekly T shot at the hotel. He is picking the same spot ( after being told repeatedly NOT to do that) and that spot is growing a fairly heavy patch of dark hairs. HA! We packed up and left for home after breakfast. We arrived home early afternoon yesterday. 

I'm very glad we went. I'm not sure if we will go again next year. I met a great lady with PFlag who got me interested in possibly going to Washington in a few weeks to Lobby for Transgender rights. I'm hoping some others in my area will be going as well.

I didn't take many pictures at the actually conference, they had signs posted " No photography", it's a privacy thing.  

Anyway, that's about it for now. Oh, I called and made a consult appointment for top surgery with a local surgeon. We will be gathering information, there is no rush just yet on the actual surgery. 

Alex's Re-Play of the Day

Pretty Reckless ~ Heaven Knows

June crept up on me.

Wow, my last post was mid-May and I have been meaning to sit down since then but well, it just doesn't happen sometimes.

In a nutshell, Alex is doing well. He has graduated from the DBT group program and now just sees his therapist every two weeks. We have since discontinued the Celexa and are starting step-down on the Abilify. By the end of June he should be free of all meds except for the Ethosuximide. I am very happy about this. I agree that there is a time when meds help tremendously but I feel these drugs are unneeded now.  Last week Alex was seen by the Neuro as well, he hadn't seen this doc for almost a year and a half. It was a bit of a surprise but he accepted Alex's transformation and suggested we wait until August to start decreasing the Ethosuximide. We are scheduled for a new EEG July 22. He wants to compare it to a previous EEG. I'm nervous about this one. He has been seizure free for about 5-6 years and I'm terrified that they will re-appear if we decrease the dosage. The doctor thinks its time to try so I'm relying on his expertise. Fingers crossed.

Testosterone shots have moved from bi-weekly to weekly. We had a follow-up with the Endo and she answered questions from both Alex and I. All of the "side effects" that Alex is experiencing are normal. They pulled some blood for levels, gave us a bag of syringes and sent us on our way. 

The anger and aggression we had early on seems to be more localized around shot days now. We did suffer through another cycle but it was fairly short ( 3 days ) so I am hopeful that in a few more months these will desist completely.

Summer is just about here and Alex is looking forward to getting a job, getting a drivers license and spending more time in bed in the morning! We are leaving for the Philly Transgender Conference on the 13th and I am really excited. This will be our first immersion event and I will be absorbing as much info as is humanly possible! 

Skrillex-Recess

Graduation, grandparents and some new, odd symptoms.

Hello Trans* followers. Here is our family related news of the last 10 days.

My Mom flew in on the 7th to attend my graduation ( Finally completed my BSc!) and although she is aware of Alex's journey, she has yet to really come to terms with it. Transitioning is confusing for some people. They seem to get stuck on the "why?" and can't completely absorb that he was born in the wrong body. It's not good or bad, acceptance can vary, and as long as there is support.... it's all good. My Dad arrived on Saturday. He usually drives up but this time he took the train. I only told him about Alex's transitioning in April so it's newer for him. He definitely doesn't understand but has no issue with the process. He is more concerned that Alex won't be able to function in the world ( go to college, get a job, etc) and that people will KNOW he's a woman. For him it's about fooling other people, he doesn't think Alex will pass as a man. It's a conversation that I'm sure we will have many more times. Ha!

Dad with Alex

Alex is still having anger issues and the appetite is still there as well. He sleeps whenever he isn't vertical. Acne explosion, both facial and body. Face and body washes don't help much. A new development has been some light-headedness and nausea during the day. He has also reported weird feelings in some joints/hands. Symptoms of testosterone use, his body is changing. I'm worried about the head issues because there IS brain GROWTH associated with FtM HRT. BRAIN GROWTH. Could this be what's causing the headaches and light-headedness? Unknown at this point. I will monitor its progression and just make sure he is hydrated at all times. We see Dr. Penn on the 26th so, unless there are dire symptom increases, we will wait till then to be seen. 

Alex and Taylor are still together. Annual Alternate Prom is tomorrow up in Richmond, it is thrown by ROSMY and this will be Alex's first year attending. We got him a dress-up outfit that he's happy with and I will go tomorrow to pick up his corsage for Taylor. I'll definitely take some pictures to post!

Group therapy is coming to an end, we graduate out of it next Tuesday (yay!). He will continue seeing his weekly therapist indefinitely. 

Alex with Nanny and Grampy. May 11, 2014

Alex's Re-Play of the day

Beyonce ~ Partition

Another two weeks flies by.

Wow, it's been 2 weeks already. It hasn't flown by but I definitely lost track. 

Alex has had some issues with anger and moodiness but we are working through them as best we can. His appetite is still huge and he always heads straight for the calorie dense, nutrient lacking foods. I fear for his health but all I can do is nudge him in the right direction. He is gaining weight and at this rate, he will be obese by the end of the summer. I guess it's a lot like addiction, you have to hit your bottom and be motivated to change. No one can MAKE you do it. It just hurts me to see the direction he's headed. I've been there, I know what a miserable place it is.

The last 2 week interval shot is on the 12th. After that it will be weekly. We haven't seen a huge difference yet i.e.: facial hair, etc. but once the dosage is doubled, I expect things to speed up.

In other news, ROSMY made a special service announcement awhile ago. They asked kids from the program to speak on it. Alex ( Xander ) is in it starting at 00:12.

Alex's re-play of the day

Shakira ~ Empire