Butterflies Can Be Boys Too.: January 2014

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Research Links.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Things can never happen fast enough for Alex. I understand this. But being impulsive myself sometimes adds fuel to this fire. I'm human, I have character flaws and foibles just like any Joe on the street. Tuesday night was hard for us both. The DBT program that Alex is in addresses his low tolerance for stressors and helps give him skills to cope. Coping has always been hard for me as well. I'm hoping that I can learn from this therapy as well.

I'm not UNHAPPY with the team that is treating Alex. I'm impatient. My treatment structure at home consists of goal setting and daily re-focusing. Being able to see an 'end result' and feeling like there is forward momentum has been crucial in re-directing Alex's mindset. He needs to feel like we aren't ignoring his transition and that we want it just as much as he does. In this regard, as his advocate, I expect compliance in some things. I don't think that's asking too friggin much. Seriously, sexuality aside, this kid lives a charmed life. I do realize that the pressures and changes he is going through are not typical. And I do all I can to support/nurture/love. Am I a dictator?? Some would say 'Eh, maybe' and they can take that and shove it straight up their back door. Live my life. Walk in my shoes. Be even HALF the caregiver I am.....then I will accept criticism. This is not directed at any one person, well.....maybe it is. Regardless, I'm doing the best I can do with what I have. Period.

Self harm is a real bitch. I hate self harm. "Self harm in young adolescents is common with one in four reporting self-harming thoughts and one in six engaging in self-harming behaviour over a one year period." ~ Self Harm < full free text journal article.

Self harm is a part of our lives though. And even though we went through a period of remission, it can always re-rear its ugly head. And it did. I had this idea that if I was a good enough parent, put all kinds of rules and diversions in place, I could stop it permanently. And it would just disappear, forever. Boy am I delusional. It's not about me. Everything is not about ME. That's a hard lesson to keep on learning. The self harm has no rhyme or reason either. You can't just tie it up with a nice little bow. I hate that. It's messy and doesn't follow any specific plan or path. We're back to locking up the sharps. I'm a little mad about this. I stressed the 'trust' issue with him. The more I can trust you, the longer you can be left alone. I guess it doesn't matter when you get right down to it. We did have a step forward this time though. While talking about it he said , I wanted to do it but once I started doing it, it wasn't the same ( it had been months since his last cutting ). These cuts are more like scratches, very superficial. I guess that could be categorized as a kind of win. Fingers crossed. Maybe the longer he goes, the less he'll do it.

I'm halfway through The Transgender Child and have found it informative. It does have a large portion of the book focusing on parents who are having a hard time coming to grips with their kids changes. I can definitely see myself when they talk about parents manifesting grief, the loss of the 'daughter' for the 'son'. That part didn't take me long, I think I had a few moments of crying in the car, shaking my head, doing the 'poor me' thing. I snapped out of that pretty quick. Again, NOT ABOUT ME. Duh. I love this kid and genitals make no difference to me. I'm all about getting him what he needs to be successful now. Anyway, I should finish this book tomorrow and will move on to the next. Yay!

Oh, and I want this book >>>> Transgender Emergence .

Alex and Mom: Jan 2014

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Sunday

Ahoy! It's Sunday, the lazy day of rest. Sorta. I've been rooting around online and have found a very informative site that also has a listing of trans conferences for the year. 2014 trans conference guide
Also, last year, the Kinsey Institute received a grant to study transgender issues in the US military.

I ordered a few Transgender books from Amazon a few weeks ago and finally got them yesterday. I've finished one already. Ha. It was short. Helping Your Transgender Teen
I would recommend it to parents that are new to the transition process. I'm a bit farther along so I already knew most of the content. I will definitely pass it on to newer parents though.

I also received The Transgender Child and The Transgender Guidebook. I'll post reviews of those once I've read them.

Xander has had a difficult week off from school. Depression and feelings of worthlessness are always right under the surface. Boredom does not help either. As much as I try to keep things busy around here, I have my own responsibilities and cannot be the constant cruise director. He has a hard time self-soothing and tends to make terrible, impulsive decisions when left to his own devices. Determining which is normal 16 year old behaviors and which is not.......almost impossible sometimes. School starts again tomorrow, thank goodness.

How to Chest Bind Safely

The first step in learning how to bind safely is finding about what’s not safe to do. Don’t use Ace bandages or duct tape—they aren’t meant for binding, don’t move with your body, and can cause physical harm. They can seriously restrict breathing, cause fluid build-up in your lungs and other serious injuries, such as broken ribs. There have been numerous cases of trans men who’ve acquired permanent scars and other injuries from using Ace bandages or duct tape to bind. Don’t do it.

Even with the right binder product it’s still possible to bind unsafely. Despite what you may have been told, don’t buy a binder that’s too small for you. Wearing an ill-fitting binder puts you at risk of the same problems as those who bind with Ace bandages or duct tape. Another piece of bad advice floating around out there is to wear tape and/or another binder on top of your binder. This too can cause restricted breathing and physical injury.

Lastly, give your body a break: don’t bind 24/7. In fact, don’t bind for more than 8-12 hours at a time. Suppressing dysphoria can’t come at the expense of your health. Even high quality binders can cause bruising. Use the times that you’re not binding to wash and air dry your binder, which will help make it last longer.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Some light reading.

As I started delving into transgenderism as a subject, I began seeing possible connections. At times it can come off like I'm searching for a 'cure' or trying to find a 'reason' but that is not the case. I am in an unusual situation as I am the mother of a severely autistic boy (Avery) of 19 and a transgendered boy of 16. Xander (formerly Alex) was also born with a form of late-presenting epilepsy and started having Absence seizures at about 9 yo. He also was diagnosed with Sheuermann's Kyphosis at around age 12. Could familial autism, something genetic or a separate variation caused by autism-like variables be responsible in part for transgenderism? We know that siblings of autistics have a higher likelihood of ADD, PDD, ADHD, Down's Syndrome and a few other "delay" conditions. The article below presents some interesting ideas.

"....it appears that there is more than sufficient evidence that transgender persons either have a serious hormonal-based birth defect, have been exposed to exogenous chemicals which have impacted their gender development in the womb, have a genetic karyotype which differs from the general population, or via some other process have a brain structure which is different than would be indicated by their chromosomes. While no single study presents proof beyond any shadow of a doubt or with metaphysical certainty, taken together they do present a preponderance of evidence such that one can say with confidence that transgender individuals have a congenital gene-based difference from cissexual individuals." (http://transascity.org/the-transgender-brain/)

I will continue to read and gather information.

The Clinics:Gender-Variant children and Transgender Adolscents

Heteros Attitudes Toward Trans

GID is also associated with autism spectrum disorder with a prevalence of 7.8% in 1 large group of children with GID.¹⁰ Because these children also have poor social skills and often exhibit inappropriate behavior in public, they are also a target for abuse irrespective of their gender nonconformity.http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/571.full

Autism and Gender Dysphoric Children.

Discrimination Survey Results for Virginia

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Snowy hump day blues.

My mind has been racing since all of these new questions have come up. The Tricare issues mostly. So yesterday I put the big girl panties on and decided to face that bull head-on. Dropping in to the Peds clinic, I thought I would test the waters with our peds GP doc. Turns out, as Tricare members know, she is no longer with us ( not dead, just not here anymore). Crap. Ok, so I re-group and ask the nurse who it is we will be seeing from now on. It's an unknown nurse prac. that is filling in until a real doc can absorb all the old patients. This might be good. Still an unknown. I make an appointment for Feb. 5, at which time I will VERY DISCREETLY make a case for an endocrinology referral. If it works, it works...if not, well....I guess I'll be saving up for that.
After the visit to Peds, I had another problem that was melting my brain. The whole marker/ID card thing. Will Tricare drop Alex once his marker goes from F to M? I visit the Tricare office and thank goodness, the service worker I have dealt with for years is there. We talk and she is very sympathetic. They don't make those determinations. I have to call DEERs, whatever they say is what Tricare will follow. I have yet to call them.
In other news: while in the therapy office yesterday Alex decides that he isn't cool with the name Alex anymore and would prefer Xander ( Xander meaning ). He doesn't like Alexander so much as just Xander and is not cool with Alex anymore. Just when I was getting it right 9 times out of 10, of course he would change it. So basically I have to remember to remember now. You know I have no issue with it, it's just a pain in the ass to have to STOP and think about what to call your kid every time you are going to callout a name. I may resort to HEY more often now. Hehe.
While talking at the Tricare office, the worker and I were brainstorming ideas for coverage and she brought up the idea of emancipation. I'm not sure this wouldn't cause more problems than solve them. The urgency isn't high enough for me to consider this avenue yet I guess.

emancipation of a minor in Va

Monday, January 20, 2014

Brain Stew

Sunday draft:

I apologize for the Frankenstein look of my blog, I'm afraid I am not Blogger literate just yet. I don't have time to sit and push all the buttons and make it super pretty. To me the only thing that matters is getting brainwaves down into ones and zeros. It was funny cause yesterday I was startled when I accidentally figured out how to make my links light up. lol. It's the little things.

Yesterday afforded Alex an opportunity to go ice skating with another kid from the support group. They have been friendly since Alex started so I was happy to provide transportation. The friend, who will be called Kid2, is gender fluid. This means that depending on the company and situation, Kid2 will determine a male or female role. Yesterday he was male. I don't really care, for purposes of this field trip, he could have been either. I find myself referring to Alex, as well as others like him, as kids. It's nondescript and I don't get in trouble with pronoun slips. Eg: That kid is crazy. , Hey kid, gimmee some of that ice cream! , Look at that kid run! Lazy? Maybe. hehe. We had a good time at skating, I opted to stay off the ice because of the amount of tiny kids. Maybe next time.

Monday:

Slow day here. Joe and Alex have discovered the joys of Netflix and well, it's very quiet in here since then. Alex up in his room, watching movies on his tablet and my husband in the computer room watching every episode of Breaking Bad he can manage. This is the reason I have drug my heels for so long on Netflix, it limits human interaction. I have a love/hate with technology. We don't own a game system, no TV's in any of the bedrooms and one central computer. I like to SEE my family once in awhile, yaknow?! The older I get, the less TV interests me. I think I realize that there will be plenty of time for that when this body doesn't work any more. Ha!

I was trying to keep this blog on-topic, for Alex's transgender journey alone but I've come to realize that just like anyone else, life isn't all about gender issues. Being 16 has pitfalls not related to gender. One example being, thinking its perfectly okay to take Moms debit card out of her bag and USE it without asking. Smart?? No. And nothing to do with gender. Just plain stupidity. But, we live and we learn.

Alex/Jan 2014 Kid2/Alex

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Ok, one...two....three......everybody act normal.

Normal? Yeah, ok, I know Websters definition of the actual word.

nor·mal

adjective \ˈnȯr-məl\

: usual or ordinary : not strange

: mentally and physically healthy

Full Definition of NORMAL

: perpendicular; especially : perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency

a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle

b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern

: occurring naturally <normal immunity>

a : of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development

b : free from mental disorder : sane

Free from mental disorder. Sane? So anyone with a mental disorder is insane? I would have to disagree, considering everyone in this house has a diagnosis of some flavor and we all function just fine thankyouverymuch. It was bugging me this morning because someone in my circle off-handedly commented that my family wasn't inside 'the norm'. They probably didn't mean anything by it but it felt like it was trying to be an insult. I have thick skin therefore I move on by saying....no, we are way off the path of your 'normal' over here. It makes the highs, very high, and the lows, incredibly low but wow, what a ride. Hehe.

I do a ton of inner monologuing. I guess its my way of talking to someone who is just as smart as me and understands where I'm coming from. Ha! Seriously though, I'm a problem solver by nature and this is how I work through stuff. I try to push my mind outside of conventional thought, consider possibilities and weigh probabilities. Sounds technical, right? Not that it matters to anyone but me or that its even relevant BUT could there be a correlation between autism ( my oldest son Avery is severely autistic ) and transgenderism? Don't blow a fuse. First, I'm not looking for a cure ( I don't actually believe anything is broken) but my ongoing reading suggests there may be a link. Studies have shown that siblings of autistics have a higher incidence of Down's syndrome, epilepsy, back and neck disorders (e.g.: Scheuermann Kyphosis ) and cognitive issues or delays like ADD and ADHD. Alex began having seizures at 9 years old, he has the above named back disorder and I don't think either of these is a coincidence. That's just my 2 cents though. I doubt that finding a definitive link will lead to any great epiphany for me. I'm just so damn curious, it's the cat in me.

Some light reading: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/3/418.long

As an international multidisciplinary professional Association the mission of The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) is to promote evidence based care, education, research, advocacy, public policy and respect in transgender health.

www.wpath.org

Friday, January 17, 2014

I said LIST...not lisp. Turn up your hearing aid ferchrissake.

LISTS. I make em. Lots of them. All over the house. On the backs of napkins, on someones open school notebook, on bright yellow sticky notes and even on the backs of my hands. And these lists aren't just encompassing Alex's trangenderism ( although I do have several pink stickies with doctors names/numbers/addresses/etc stuck next to me as I type.) These days my mind is consumed by too many things at once, thoughts do Mach 10 through my brain and I'm lucky if a neuron is paying attention at that moment and remembers to write said thought down. Some days I have SO MUCH and my brain just says FAHK THIS.....these are the days I don't shower, eat Cheerios out of the box, play Candy Crush on my phone while watching Maury on TV. It happens. I'm only human. After last night's meeting with the other trans families I started second guessing myself. Maybe we are rushing ahead too fast. Maybe waiting to transition until AFTER high school would make more sense. And also the other side, I feel so bad that he's starting so late. Some of these parents have been transitioning their kids since 5 years old! FIVE! I'm very torn on this part of it. I'm a scientist, this part of me questions what kind of physiological damage can inadvertently be done to a child this small. It's not for me to judge but I do have these thoughts. Sexuality aside.....we are the parents, we need to be the experience and balance that these kids don't possess yet. I sound judgey but I'm not. This is new to me and I think exploring these thoughts helps me. I absolutely think that support is crucial and matching gender body with the gender brain is important BUT in my opinion, for the general health and growth of the child as a whole, maybe it's better to wait until the later teens. Am I right? Am I wrong? There probably is no clear answer. I think that each parent, based on the kind of reaction their kid has ( e.g.: I HATE this body. I can't live like this. Don't call me a boy/girl! ) will have a different opinion. Alex's body gender issues weren't terribly apparent until about Nov. 2012, when he re-entered the public school system for Grade 10. Discomfort with any femininity, he took the leap to living as a full time boy, though not 'officially'. I already knew he was gay ( at least that's what he told me, but it felt like more ) so dressing like a butch girl wasn't any kind of red flag for me. Moving out of that area and changing schools mid-year probably did not help, that was our desperate attempt at giving him a wider range of kids in a bigger ( less hillbilly) school system. Tolerance. Prince George didn't have it, it was all gun racks and camouflage. Midlothian had a more professional population ( now just listen to MY reasoning...and don't judge. lol) People with higher education generally are more worldly, have travelled, try new things, are more open minded....I could go on and on. I know, it sounds crazy but based on those thoughts...we moved here. I do love the school, for both of my kids. Again with the second guessing. I probably could have found a BETTER place if I had been smarter/more aware/better connected/not stupid....etc. Hold on while I beat myself up some more.

He's the best thing I ever did and 16 hours a day I feel like I've failed him. It's like those memes you see online "You Had One Job" with a picture of the the yellow line on the road pained over a stick or a rock. Maybe it wasn't a good analogy but I was thinking of it and just couldn't think of another one. Shit. You get what I mean though. Or maybe you don't.

Example of a Chest Binder

Sold on Amazon $29

http://www.amazon.com/Tranz-Forms-Bind-Rite-PowerNet-Sleeveless/dp/B00C320LCA/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1389981778&sr=8-6&keywords=chest+binders

Thursday, January 16, 2014

End O Day thoughts and a blanket of thank you's

It's never easy to be the 'new' person. People eyeball you, look you up and down, examine your choice of wardrobe and smile with those squinty eyes. You know, the squint, it's almost painful in its forced sincerity. But being the bold, in-your-face kind of person I am I put myself out there and immediately let loose the floodgates of my whole friggin life story. Nerves make me chatty, oh and they make me drop the occasional swear word too. ( Oooops) Six women and 1 English man sitting on couches in a gay/lesbian library on a Thursday night. It was nice and they made me feel very welcome. Our children ranged in age and queerness ( now I'm not sure of that word but I thought I heard another woman call it that, as in, the scale of queerness? It doesn't sound right though. I'll get back to that later) I had never heard some of these designations....gender non-conformist, gender queer, gender fluid. To me, it feels like it means that they are just 'undecided', which makes sense considering some of these kids are very young. We talked about a whole range of things and everyone shared personal stories. This group only meets once a month but I will definitely be going again. Alex had transgender night at ROSMY and we left for the long trip home at around 9pm.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone for their support. It really does mean the world to me.

http://sensible-tips.tumblr.com

Alex last Fall 2013

It snowed?...oh, i hadn't noticed....

I'm just sitting here making notes to myself because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Alex's name change (http://www.courts.state.va.us/forms/circuit/cc1427.pdf) comes with so many other changes. It isn't JUST a matter of changing the name, this name effects so much more than just the person. Once Trip ( the doc) gives us the GID diagnosis, I will be going through the court system to get a name change and a marker change. Marker means going from F to M on all documentation. Ok, so once that is changed I also have to change *school registration paperwork * drivers license * passport * birth certificate * military ID ( unknown if this can even be done) <<<< this last one is a real bitch because now I'm searching the internet thinking, This kid could lose Tricare because of a name/gender change! Then what?! I know that Tricare will NOT cover anything transgender related even before any changes but the kid still needs basic healthcare. Don't panic yet. I was given the name of a local Endocrinologist (http://vadiabetes.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/site.physicians/action/dtl/phys/99841137.cfm) last night, one that is used by much of the LGBTQ community. His website says he takes Tricare. Bad wheels are turning in my head. ~ Um, it would be wrong to try and get the kid in there to see him under the ruse of some other malady???~ yes, it would. You'll go to jail for fraud. Errrrrrrggggggg! Okay.....think. Gah, I don't know. If Tricare covers nothing or disenrolls him completely after the marker change......then what? All of the therapy he attends is covered by Tricare, med checks and medications. I'm terrified to go to the Tricare office and discuss this with someone but it looks like I'm going to have to next week, I need to be prepared.
Medical things aside. The whole dynamic of going back to school next year is making my anxiety go through the roof. Alex comes home with class selection paperwork for next year. There are the normal classes like Stats, Bio, English, Theater and there is a class designated BOYS ONLY. It's a multiple sport PE class. "I want to take this Mom" ........... I WANT him to be able to take it but...my brain runs through scenarios of groups of angry boys playing tackle football with my newly transgendered son, who still has ALL the lady parts ...which can be groped and touched and I get so mad. He doesn't consider these scenarios but that's because he is gentle and good and wouldn't dream of doing those things to anyone. I'm not sure if he wants to take the class on principal or if he really wants to play all of those sports only offered to boys. There is a co-ed option, I say. I hate that I am trying to take this BOYS ONLY choice away. I want him to be able to make that choice, either way, on his own. Do I fight this battle? Unknown at this point. The second pressing issue will be : non-gender specific bathrooms. There are 3 in this school, all near the front office. With a marker change, we have been told by others that they will not let him use either male or female, only the neutral ones. With 3 minutes between classes how is this kid supposed to pee during the day without being late for class? He takes meds, he needs to drink water. This battle may require a lawyer to be present. I told a lady at the support meeting last night, My kid will be viewed by the administration as "that pain in the ass" I am sure. Do I care? Fuck no. I do want to say that there are a few teachers and Alex's guidance counselor who are fantastic. It's those people that I am hoping will help to make this transition easier in the school environment.
So, I have class today, Vert. Histology lab. It runs from 4-6pm. This will be a problem because we have support meetings tonight starting at 6pm. and it's 40 minutes away. (big sigh ) It will be my first HeSheZeWe meeting, which is trans parents only. I'm excited. There is so much I DONT know yet and being the super efficient person I am, I need to know it all NOW. For this same reason I am planning on going to Phillidelphia in June for the 13th annual Trans Health Conference (http://www.trans-health.org). Knowledge is power and I wanna be the Darth Vader of the Trans parent community!!! Ha!

Snow! Yay, school isn't cancelled!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I could really use a clone...or a wife.

These days my life can be plotted on a giant blotter calendar that hangs in my kitchen. With appointments made and cancelled, times to be here or there and what exactly is coming next. Luckily for me (??) my mind is a series of driving time calculations and the old " 12 birds, one stone" equation. I've learned through much experience that life is better when ALL shit can be completed and I can come home ( where pants are removed) and do my version of relaxing. Alex has support meetings with ROSMY on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is a 33 minute drive one way with NO traffic.....oh and there is ALWAYS traffic. Ha! Before Tuesdays ROSMY, there is DBT therapy ( 43 minutes from our house). One on one starts at 3pm to 4pm, we get an hour break ( twiddles thumbs) and then we have 1.5 hours of group therapy. This puts us at 6:30 and ROSMY starts at 6:30. Damn. Amid Alex's anxiety about being late I hurtle to ROSMY and we are 15 minutes late.Uh, sorry, yeah, um, see ya. Alex catapults from the car just as I slow down. I park and hunker down for the next 2 hours. I don't want to waste the gas to find a Starbucks nearby. I honestly have no problem sitting by myself waiting, unless its freezing or raining or I have to pee really bad. So far I have learned to plan fairly well for any problem that may arise. The best part is that no matter what kind of mood he goes in there with, he comes out happy. That makes all the driving, the nights of gas station food and $1.95 in tolls worth it.
Tonight we had a special ROSMY meeting of parents and staff. I enjoyed it. I find it much easier to discuss this journey with others with similar stories. I'm reminded of AA when they pull out a board that has all of their rules on it. They read it with the youth at every meeting. The staff are amazing and so well trained. I voice concerns related to the school Alex is in right now. I can foresee problems next year when his name and marker have been legally changed. The staff are very supportive and promise to do whatever they can to help.
Home now. I'm very tired and can't think. Will write more tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Welcome to 2014!

This story begins long ago but I will only provide my brief hind sites, those moments that should have tipped me off, to when Alex began this journey. Let me just say that as a child, I was a tomboy. I wore old, dirty clothes handed down from boys, played in the mud and loved to be rough. From the time she could walk, my daughter displayed the same inclinations. I thought nothing of it. Every Christmas she would get Barbies and playhouses and nail polish....it would never get touched. She preferred to play with her older brothers toys. She made few friends. Being that we were military, we moved around and I blamed that for her lack of lasting friendships. Fast-forward to middle school. All hell breaks loose. Bullying, grades drop dramatically and I start to see real disconnect in her. I get her a therapist to work on the bullying problems. The school system is shit and won't do anything so I pull her out and decide to homeschool for a year. Eye opening for me. I had had a sneaking suspicion that Sydney was gay from about 11 years old. By 13, I was certain. It was never an issue for me and I continued to support her the best I knew how. She didn't want anyone else to know, I respected that and didn't tell anyone including my husband. Her physical appearance began taking on a more masculine look. We had moved into a new area around Thanksgiving 2012, it had a larger and much more diverse school population. She insisted on coming out at school and although I wanted her to protect herself from more bullying, she was steadfast in her resolve. I always attempt to explain some of the things that might happen, just so there are no surprises. I'd love to say I am just completely supportive all the time BUT I'm a mother, and I know how mean and ruthless kids can be. She acquires a girlfriend and for a short time, things are okay. Over time I start seeing depression, self-harm, binge eating and very serious bouts of anxiety. I search for more qualified therapists. We are worried sick and aren't sure what to do. The self-harm escalates into a stay in the hospital. (Sydney will be Alex from here forward)He comes out to the rest of the family and gets all positive feedback. More doctors, more therapists. We start drugs....for the depression...for the anxiety...for the impulsiveness. We spend that summer joined at the hip, I can't let him out of my sight. He wants to die. The drugs don't help, the therapy doesn't help, I feel impotent. We padlock the sharps, the food and the meds. They want him back in the hospital ( it's a nightmare in there) and I refuse. I will not let this child destroy himself. I'll do ANYTHING. He hates his female body and finally expresses that he IS A MAN. He gives himself a new male name ( Alexander Dean Chapman ) and I don't take him seriously, I think its a phase. We start dialectical behavior therapy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy )( almost impossible to find, we were on the list for months)and he immediately has chemistry with his new therapist. It's been months since we have seen a self-harm. I think that the moment I completely accepted that THIS was who he was and started making the effort, the bad behaviors disappeared. So, here we are, still in DBT so he can work on those big emotions and how to cope when they come around. We have found a combo of meds that manage the depression and we are sticking with those for now. I search for local groups for support. And we're moving forward with more smiling, more laughing and A PLAN. Not just for transitioning but finally for a happy life.
Transgender Info

Butterflies Can Be Boys Too.

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