The first injection of testosterone went well. Alex was nervous but insisted on doing the first shot himself. This is good because, considering he will be doing this the rest of his life, he needs to get used to it. The nurse was great and went through all the steps with saline first, letting him get used to handling the needles. We have to use a larger needle to draw up the testosterone because it is in a oil suspension, then we change the to a smaller gauge to inject. Anxiety was high at first but as you can tell in the video posted to Facebook, he was truly relieved after. ( Me too!) The next injection will be in two weeks and we will do it at home from now on. We won't follow up with the doc again until the end of May.
Persistant. Steadfast. Bulldoggish. Annoying as hell. I am all of these and much more. Because of this I got the grease baby! Ha! The grease being one shiny prescription for serum testosterone. No one was displaying any sense of urgency at that doctors office, which of course makes me super uber crazy. For the staff we are just another patient who has lived this long WITHOUT, so what's another couple of weeks?! No.....come on over to my house.....where time and space slow to a painful crawl....every moment a torture of the WAITING. It definitely didn't help that we had to endure another cycle of code red ( THAT time of the month for those of you not living on this planet) The cycle is much more than a physical inconvenience, it is a psychological nightmare for this child. Increased hormonal mood swings coupled with already intense gender dysphoria. Let's just say, we struggle to exist through it. I think the shots represent a relief from this specific female affliction, which makes it that much more urgent. I made an appointment for this Monday at 9 am. School continues to be an issue. He is hesitant to wear his JROTC uniform because he has to wear the 'female' version. He had asked to have the male version but was told that was not going to happen. I hate it that they can't just give him the friggin male uniform. I mean, cmon, he's not REALLY in the damn service. But I get their reasons, I just don't like them very much. He only has to endure the rest of this school year.
Morning! Well, a week has gone by and it's been fairly quiet. Terrible Tuesday went off without a hitch and in the one-on-one session ( which I have been going in for lately) we discussed the let-down of the last Endo appointment and how well Alex dealt with those hard emotions. It is getting easier to process the really big feelings, the ones that would have put him in a spin for a week or more. So I guess, without him even realizing it, the therapy is working. < gasp!> Thursday night I had a HeSheWe and Ze group meeting at Rosmy. I'm so in love with this group, they really are the people who completely understand all of the crazy shit that happens with Alex. Taylors parents were there and I got a good chance to talk with them during the meeting. They are as happy as I am with the kids making such a strong connection. Finding someone you like who is going through the same things is priceless. The resulting laughter and smiling faces makes it worth every damn minute I spend driving Alex to see her. Anyway, we are planning another outing for the group. This will be our first outdoor activity and the teens have been charged with making up a treasure hunt. It's so important for the older kids to show the younger trans kids that they are ok. That they are important and being different is not a bad thing. All of the teens really take this role seriously and I am so proud of them all. So much courage, strength and character in this group. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Our week was capped off with Alex getting the much-wanted snakebite piercing. It was a hard call for me but seriously, half the kids at his school are sporting a lot more than just lip piercings. I guess it's perspective. I had to let it go and allow him to make that decision. He was scared but the staff were gentle and his piercer was good. It only took a couple of minutes and he was a happy guy afterwards. I'll take that.
Taylor came by yesterday and spent the day with us. It was beautiful outside so they spent most of the day out in the neighborhood, coming in to have some pizza for lunch and hunkering down for The Conjuring. It was a good day.
And so here we are Sunday morning and I'm up way too early. This week I need to 1. call the Endo's office to make sure the paperwork was filed for the testosterone prescription 2. start making a list of things I want to discuss with the school about the next school year ( bathrooms, name change ) and 3. get Alex some ankle weights....as soon as the shots start, he will be on a rigorous walking regime. Exercise is not a natural thing for this kid so he'll need a push. We will also be biking when the weather starts cooperating.
The doctor dropped an unnecessary bomb on us. Alex is devastated and upset and pissed off. It's not un-fixable, but it is an inconvenience. Frigging paperwork. I had warned him not to get his hopes up too high. Things happen and sometimes life just doesn't like your plans. The first injection will happen, it might be another week though. That's hard because it already feels like he's been waiting FOREVER. Anyway, I just wanted to check in. Will post again when we have news.
Hey, Alex here. Tomorrow is the day... unless it snows or an apocalypse spontaneously appears. Hehe Anyways, if you have been following my mother's blog, you'd know that tomorrow is the day I get my first shot of testosterone. What I'm feeling is unreal... And the majority of readers who follow this blog will understand what I say WHEN I say... it's like having a baby. (insert nervous laughter) It's scary but exciting at the same time. I can remember what brought me to the idea of HRT. One night I was lying in bed browsing youtube, and decided to search transgender (I knew I was trans* at the time but I have this weird thing where I want to know I'm not alone) What comes up is this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epDPui27QZQ It's about a MTF girl named Josie. She is 9 years old! A little later on in the video, Josie goes to the endocrinologist/ nurse practitioner. And they ask about hormones. The doctor decides to put Josie on "blockers". This is the first I've ever heard of the term. So after the video I researched all night about HRT and blockers. I remember being so envious of Josie, and thinking to myself "Why couldn't have I found out sooner?" I've come to the realization that EVERYBODY'S journey is different and beautiful in their own way. Some take longer than other's and that's okay. <3 I've decided to make videos to track progress of my voice, facial hair, etc. I will start these videos tomorrow my appointment. :)
I think this was back in 2010? It's crazy to see how much I've changed. Haha
Anyways mom always posts a video of my favorite song of the week.
This week it's Everyday by Buddy Holly. Hope you enjoy. :D
Have a good day everyone, thanks for following. <3
It's been a MEH week. Semi-calm before the storm perhaps? Alex is creeping up on another 'cycle' and add in the almost full moon?? Yeah, I'm expecting a monstrous week ahead. Last night they announced on the news that we have another weather front coming through, on MONDAY. Seriously? Monday? Couldn't be Tuesday or Sunday? If we have to use a dog sled team to get there, so be it, we will be seeing Endo on Monday.
I wanted to post a little on Testosterone. I knew before we were even entertaining the thought of injections that HRT had possible side effects. I mean, cmon, shooting a powerful sex hormone into an already unstable 16 year old? Pffffth, what could go wrong??? right? I'm the mother so it's my job to find these things out and weigh the pros and cons. The closer we get to it becoming a reality, the more nervous I am. Intramuscular injection of Testosterone cypionate or enanthate has some pretty devastating possible side effects. I will list the ones that are causing me the biggest worry. 1. Polycythemia : this is an increase in red blood cells relative to plasma. It basically makes your blood thick. The results of this can include blood clots, stroke, pulmonary embolism and heart attack. It's very hard on the kidneys. 2. Increased insulin resistance: this can lead to obesity and Type 2 diabetes. 3. Over time testosterone lowers the good cholesterol ( HDL ) and raises the bad ( LDL & triglycerides ) This can cause heart disease and stroke. 4. Elevated Liver Enzymes : which can lead to liver disease. 5. An overall increased risk of cancer. Specifically liver, breast, uterine and ovarian. 6. Polycystic Ovaries: ( PCOS ) painful and multi-symptomed. 7. Testosterone has also been known to cause migraines, worsen seizure disorders and cause sleep apnea. Now, I know that side effects are documented in large populations so the odds of him experiencing one or more of these is statistically low. STILL. I'm the mother, I don't want my kid to suffer with ANY of them. We went over all of these again yesterday. He understands my concern. In the end, it's up to him and his doctor. I did let him know that if he has any doubts or just wants to put it off awhile, it was okay. He knows I will support him either way. Some of the other fantastic 'side effects' of this hormone will definitely include an increased appetite ( he is already eating like a pregnant woman, I'm not sure where he will put more food. ) He will grow hair, and lots of it. Probably in places he doesn't want to, like ears and back. He may go through what is known as a 'second puberty' and gain some height. I am actually hoping he does because he is a very short man at 5'2". Typically transmen will have a muscle gain of 10-15% of their body weight ( or it could just be fat if he doesn't start exercising and watching what he eats ) The size of his hands and feet could increase. His breast fat stores will shrink. His voice will deepen. None of these happen overnight, they typically take up to 6 months to start showing up at all. I don't think the physical changes will be the biggest challenge for us. The psychological part, the effect that testosterone will have on mood, aggression and sex drive, are going to be much harder for him to cope with I think. Anyway, it's the weekend and Alex has a date today with his new 'friend' Taylor. She is a completely adorable transgirl that he has really connected with. She started HRT a couple of months ago and, to me, is completely passable already. Because these kids have such a hard time connecting with their peers at school, Rosmy and the other groups we go to have really become a clearing house for healthy friendships. Like all support groups, no one can understand where you're coming from better than someone who is dealing with the same shit. So, I'm taking Taylor and Alex ice skating ( have I mentioned how badly I want this kid to get a license??!!) Taylor lives almost an hour away from us. I know her parents are having the same mixture of resignation and irritation, the epic driving involved in getting your kid a social life can be frustrating.
snake bite
And on a final note. The whole 'I want snake bite piercings' came up again yesterday. Now granted I did make a deal with him that he could get it done professionally ( as opposed to jamming dirty metal into his face on his own) when the hole he drilled in his face healed up completely. I was hoping it would take longer to heal I guess. So I have to work that into this weeks schedule as well. * Kicks self *
Good grief. Now I know why the police use loud, annoying music as a torture in some hostage situations. Seriously. If I saw Harry on the street, I'd poke him directly in the eye. I had started to post on Friday but the pickings were slim so I saved up for today. Thursday night we travelled to Richmond for Rosmy trans night. Alex always looks forward to this group so we try to never miss. Lately he's been pushing my limits though. Can we go up earlier? Remember, I'm pretty much sitting in my car in the parking lot this whole time because well, I'm not allowed in. So, I say fine and we go up early so that he can hang out with one of the facilitators there who he really looks up to. The problem is, when the group is over at 8:30 pm......no Alex. 8;40....no Alex. Alex appears at 9:00 pm. I'm feeling a bit trampled on. No more leeway, I have to draw the line somewhere. My aching assbone and frozen fingers can't abide being used and abused. On a different note: chest binders. Alex has wanted one for awhile. We either didn't have the money or it just wasn't a priority. He's been wearing tight sports bras. He came across a site that gives away binders. BINDERS This same site also has a great FAQ area. Everyday he is hoping a binder will appear in the mailbox. I'll let you know when it shows. In social news, our new friend Taylor, has become a 'special' person in Alex's life. On Saturday they went on a movie date to see Frozen ( Alex had seen it before but didn't tell Taylor because she had never seen it before, eiyiyi ) anywho, they had a fantastic time and were anxious to have another 'date'. The problem is, Taylor lives pretty far away, like an hour. I don't have that kind of gas money. Sorry kids but isn't this what Skype is for?? Have I mentioned how I can not wait for this kid to get a drivers license?? Yeah, that. And finally, he has taken up looming. Yes, looming. His lovely friend Simran got him interested in it a couple weeks ago and now he's a looming fool. And because I'm a mondo-supportive parent, I bought looms and yarn for him to busy himself with indefinitely. I mean, it's cheap and keeps him occupied. It a WIN! So far he has made me a tiny rainbow scarf and a fuzzy headband. I'm hoping for a hat soon.
The Loomer
We visited Barnes and Noble today and much to my surprise they had a book I was looking for. On impulse I bought it in hardcover. I figure once Alex and I read it, we can donate it to Rosmy's library for others to enjoy.
This concludes the week. Only 8 more days till Endo.
I always intend to post and then life gets in the way. Here's a brief overview of the last few days.
Sunday was a big day for us. I recently joined a TransFamily support group and they were having a bowling party. I'm not much for bowling but I figured it was a good opportunity for us to get to know some other families facing the same challenges as us. Also, I'm slowly attempting to get Joe more involved in the whole process. This proved to be a great way for him to socialize with other men. (insert evil laugh here). We had a good time, there was a large turnout and my kid got to meet a new friend. The new-to-us teen was MtF and I urged both Alex and Max to make a point of making her feel welcome. Alex and Max have history so they tend to do the 'clique' thing a lot. By the end of the day, the three of them were thick as thieves. Mission accomplished.
The weather started rolling in on Sunday night and by Monday, we had snow. School cancelled. Gah! I hate snow days, especially on a Monday. Alex doesn't know how to be bored. The boredom slowly turns to anxiety and racing thoughts. By the end of the day he had made some pretty bad choices. I was pissed, angry, upset, mad....you name it, I was there. I probably could have handled it better but well, I'm human. Sue me. This leads to me being the meanest, worst, evilest, most heinous Mom that ever lived. Impulsivity sucks! The positive side of this is, we talk it out, we never just let it go because that just leads to us being pissed all damn day. Once dinner rolled around, we were back to being on the same page. So, when the call came on Tuesday that school was cancelled, I had a plan. I braved the icy roads, picked up a friend of Alex's and we spent the day OUT. It cost me money but it was worth it. We shopped and walked and went to a movie. No impulsivity, no anxiety. My day was calm and peaceful. Yay for me. oh, yay for them too. hehe.
Alex & Simran @ Taco Bell
Two hour delay for school this morning, which is fine. At least there's school of some kind today. We continue to be on countdown to the next endo appointment....T minus 12 days. We missed our terrible Tuesday line-up this week (I'm so sad...NOT). Hopefully winter will stop being such a bitch and we can resume life next week. Anyway, that's it for now. Tata.
