Notes on GENDER change and stuff

I submitted the gender change document to the courts on the 12th. The court clerk was out of town until the 18th. I physically went to the courthouse on Monday and made a court date for Xander's gender change with the judge. The soonest they had was August 29th @ 10am. Once I have this document in hand I can: change gender through Social Security, amend the birth certificate and get a new passport. The high school has informed me that they won't change his gender until they get an amended birth certificate. You would think that the court order would be enough. Everything always has to be friggin complicated. 

I met with school guidance a few days ago, just to give her a heads up. It went okay but the whole bathroom issue was not covered. Once we have the amended birth certificate, that will no longer be an issue. I also e-mailed every one of Xander's teachers, explaining his transformation and asking for their cooperation. I've had one response and it was very positive.

Healing is going well. The surgical tape that was over all of the incisions was peeled off this morning. I wasn't around when he did this, of course, because I would have recommended against it. No harm I guess. The incision lines look good and both nipples are healing nicely.

The compression vest irritates him and he wants so badly to take it off. Nope, still have about 3 weeks left. I sympathize because I know it gets hot and itchy. Ahhhh the price of getting what you want. Hehe.

That's it for now!

9 days POST-OP.

Xander has been doing very well since the surgery. He stopped taking the pain meds last Monday and finished up his antibiotic on Wednesday. He hasn't needed my help showering for a few days but I still dress his incisions and help him get the binder back on. Wound healing is good except for the right nipple, it's still pretty angry. The skin has begun peeling off but the nipple itself will be fine. It's just gross and makes Xander nervous. Ha!

The kids from Rosmy sent Xander a Get Well card! 

Wearing a T-shirt for the first time.

New Glasses!

He loves the way shirts look now. It will be such a relief when he can wear one without the binder underneath. That day will be September 11. 

I have definitely noticed a difference in his demeanor since surgery. It's always hard to tell at this age what is driving his behaviors. Is it gender related or is it just being 17? Sometimes its hard to tell. Also with the addition of a higher dose of testosterone we are back to increases in aggression and irritability. It will take a month or more for that to level out.

So, coming up we have the surgical follow-up on the 26th. He also has a follow-up with Children's Neurology on the 25th. The doc will have a look at the EEG we just had done and evaluate whether or not Xander can be weaned off of his seizure med. Xander started having ABSENCE seizures around 9 years old. 

With the start of school fast approaching I am nervous and excited for him. I am hoping that his last year in high school will be uneventful and even (gasp!) enjoyable. A mother can hope, right?

Xander's Re-Play of the Day

Knife Party ~ Centipede

The BIG REVEAL!

Xander and Dad at the office. Drain removal day.

So nervous!

Taking off the compression vest was very uncomfortable.

Bandages come off. The drains get pulled out.

First look.

After a quick look, re-bandaged and the binder goes back on.

Once we are home. Long stares in the mirror and a lot of "Wow"and smiling.  It's amazing how flat and boyish it looks, I was expecting much more swelling. The first shower was very awkward and difficult. Dosed with ointment and re-wrapped in gauze. Getting the binder back on was hard, not looking forward to doing that for a month. Next follow-up with doctor will be on Aug. 26. 

He is very happy with the result so far. 

TOP SURGERY!

A BRAND NEW MANLY CHEST!!!!

Finally, yesterday was the big day. We arrived at the hospital around 8 am. 

Xander endured the dreaded IV.

The doctor came in and drew all kinds of purple marks on his chest.

Surgery didn't begin until almost 11 am. They called me on my cell phone while we were waiting in the surgical waiting room.  The nurse reported that it was at the half-way point and all was going well. Immediately after the procedure, the doctor came out and spoke to us. We were nervous but there were no complications, and I was very thankful for that. The surgery took about 2 hours to complete and then another hour in recovery. 

We were allowed to see him in the secondary recovery room, where we were given discharge instructions. They wheeled him downstairs and we loaded him into the car to go home.

Sleeping in the recliner.

Feeling better and already wants to have visitors. Ha!

They have him taking an antibiotic twice a day, oxycodone for the pain when necessary and a stool softener ( all these drugs will back you up big time!) He's also taking his multi-vitamin, his D supplement and will start 0.50 ml of testosterone on Monday. The binder stays on until Monday so only sponge baths until then. 

Also on Monday, he gets the drains out. Yay! Those things are super nasty. So on Monday, the doc will take off the binder and all of the bandages underneath, take out the drains and we will get to see the new chest for the first time. Exciting! I'll post again soon.

Xander's re-play of the day

The Prodigy ~ Breathe

Back to Court

Ahoy! Just a note on the GENDER CHANGE front. I visited Chesterfield Courthouse today, just to get a feel for what I was going to need to get this done. Believe it or not, although they have done a few ADULT gender changes, they have NO IDEA what to submit for a minor gender change. The mind boggles. I'm sorry? No forms, no idea of the criteria and it would seem that no one in that office is very clear on what I should do.  SHOCKER.  Back to Google and I found this: TRANSMAN.
"Changing your gender marker within the Commonwealth of Virginia is not the easiest task..." These are his first words. No shit. But he gave me a great starting place. Using the document he has on his website I cobbled together a MINORS version that should work. We will also need a letter from the surgeon, stating that Xander has had irreversible surgical treatment. I don't think they are looking for the doctor to get into specifics. At least I hope not. I also added 2 JOINT applicants, Joe and I. Because Xander is a minor, we should be included and I will have both signatures notarized. When I turn this in to them next week, with the surgeons letter attached, I guess we will see what happens. Charge for gender change $84.00.

Social Security name change and other stuff

Social Security

Here's what we did. I brought along Xander's name change court document, drivers license and his old social security card. We found the closest SS office and got down there bright and early. TWO hours later we were seen by a very nice lady. They will change the name BUT NOT the gender. They will need a COURT ORDER for that as well. We went through with just the name change for now. Xander received his new card about 1 week later in the mail. I knew this could be an issue so I wasn't terribly surprised.

Also, as of today, we are still waiting for the hard copy of his license. 

I can't remember if I mentioned that I also dropped a copy of the court order off at his school office. They are currently in the middle of a computer systems change-over, of course, so I doubt anything will happen until I re-visit them in a couple of weeks.

COURT AGAIN

Tomorrow I am planning on going back to the Chesterfield courthouse to find out what I need to start gender change. It could be that I will need a surgeons note or a therapists letter or maybe even a postcard from the Pope. Who the hell knows?! Sorry, my irritation is showing.

Bank

We had no problem at all opening Xander his own checking and savings at Wells Fargo. He only had to show his license, which has his new name on it, so it was a breeze.

Note: Wells Fargo is one of the sponsors of PrideFest in Richmond this year!!!! Love them!

And, finally, only 5 more days until top surgery. I cried in the car today. A lot. I don't know if it's a happy or nervous or bewildered crying.....maybe all at once. I'm not fearful of the surgery itself. Really, I'm not. I guess it could be another stage of the mourning we go through. That seems so selfish. And people offering up all kinds of fucking opinions. Really? I'm just more sensitive now to opinions. That's hysterical too because I am the Queen of Not Giving A Shit what anyone thinks. Uh huh. That becomes fairly evident once you meet me. Ha! Judging me is fine, judging my kid is never even close to okay. And it hurts, even though I KNOW that people are stupid and assholes and just whatever. Anyway, that's me venting. Consider me all whined out. hehe.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists ~ Bottled In Cork